DORK DAY AFTERNOON
In honour of Napoleon Dynamite’s socially-challenged misfits, we bring you the very best of the worst of moviedom’s wimps, nerds and geeks. “Sweet!”
Story: Leigh Singer
NAPOLEON DYNAMITE (Napoleon Dynamite)
Geek Clique: school new kid Pedro Sanchez; homemade keychain seller Deb
Geek Chic: tight blue jeans, moon boots; ginger afro; huge aviator-style glasses.
Geek Speak: “girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. You know, like nunchuk skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills…”; “Gosh!”
Hobbies & Pastimes: drawing ‘ligers’ “my favourite animal. It’s like a cross between a lion and a tiger”; disco dancing;
The Worm Squirms: regular slammed into school hallway lockers.
The Worm Turns? disco dancing number to swing the student body election.
KIP DYNAMITE (Napoleon Dynamite)
Geek Clique: online “babes”
Geek Chic: knee-high socks, greased-down, side-parted hair, oversize glasses
Geek Speak: "Don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day."
Hobbies & Pastimes: training to be a cage fighter
The Worm Squirms: despite supposed cage fighting prowess, proved to have, in Napoleon’s words, “the worst reflexes in the world.”
The Worm Turns? dates beautiful black ‘woman’ Lafawnduh, gets a hip-hop-style makeover.
GILBERT LOWELL AND LOUIS SKOLNICK (Revenge of the Nerds)
Geek Clique: The Tri Lamda fraternity house of nerds.
Geek Chic: 1950s dweeb look; trousers with waistbands higher than Simon Cowell; pens lined up in top shirt pocket; glasses
Geek Speak: “Working with a computer’s great. It’s godlike in a way. You can have complete control.”
Hobbies & Pastimes: building robots;
The Worm Squirms: jock Alpha Beta frat house fake initiation involving rubbers and a sheep.
The Worm Turns? Duh, see film title
TOBY RADLOFF (American Splendor)
Geek Clique: Harvey and Joyce Pekar
Geek Chic: array of garishly patterned shirts and tanktops, tight polyester trousers. Side-parting pudding bowl haircut. Oversize glasses.
Geek Speak: “I consider myself a nerd.”; (on jellybabies) “I recommend the pina coladas. They’re very authentic tasting.”
Hobbies & Pastimes: repeatedly watching Revenge of the Nerds at the cinema
The Worm Squirms: no, too busy enjoying his nerdhood.
The Worm Turns? Featured on MTV adverts; becomes star of cult films Killer Nerd and Bride of Killer Nerd.
TED STROHEMANN (There’s Something About Mary)
Geek Clique: Mary Jensen’s numerous lovesick admirers.
Geek Chic: Teenage prog-rock / medieval peasant haircut; braces
Geek Speak: “I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.”
Hobbies & Pastimes: smitten with Mary for 13 years
The Worm Squirms: Senior prom cut short by painful trouser zipper / “frank and beans” accident; attacked by poodle on speed.
The Worm Turns? For Mary there’s something about Ted…
GEORGE McFLY (Back to the Future)
Geek Clique: none
Geek Chic: brylcreemed hair, glasses.
Geek Speak: “I'm George, George McFly. I'm your density. I mean... your destiny.” “Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain.”
Hobbies & Pastimes: science-fiction; ‘bird watching’ i.e spying on girls in their underwear.
The Worm Squirms: regular bullying by local thug Biff Tannen and his gang
The Worm Turns? Punches Biff out, becomes Lorraine’s density.
LOUIS TULLY (Ghostbusters)
Geek Clique: n/a
Geek Chic: fetching blue leisure suit; oversize black glasses
Geek Speak: “I was just exercising. I taped a 20-minute workout and played it back at high speed on my machine so it only took ten minutes.”
Hobbies & Pastimes: hosting tax-deductible house parties for his clients with Twister and breakdancing.
The Worm Squirms: repeatedly locks himself out of his apartment; possessed by ancient Sumerian God.
The Worm Turns? As the ‘Keymaster’, gets it on with unrequited love, “Gatekeeper” Dana Barrett.
GARY WALLACE AND WYATT DONNELLY (Weird Science)
Geek Clique: each other
Geek Chic: 80s high school nerd-casual
Geek Speak: “All our lives we've been saying how great it would be if we went to parties, right? And now it's our party and we're in the john.”
Hobbies and Pastimes: dreams of being popular; creating Lisa, a computerised fantasy woman to solve all their problems.
The Worm Squirms: Shorts pulled down in front of girls’ gymnastics class by high-school bullies.
The Worms Turn? Thanks to Lisa, become the most popular duo in Shermer, Illinois.
DAWN WIENER (Welcome to the Dollhouse)
Geek Clique: smaller geek Ralphy
Geek Chic: polka dot crop-top; heart-shaped earrings; oversize glasses
Geek Speak: “Why do you hate me?” Classmate: “Because you’re ugly.”
Hobbies and Pastimes: "Special People Club" clubhouse in her backyard with two members.
The Worm Squirms: Nicknames of “Wiener Dog” and “Dogface”. Class bully Brandon: "Tomorrow, same time, same place. You get raped. Be there." And she is…
The Worm Turns? Not in a Todd Solondz movie.
ALVY SINGER (Annie Hall)
Geek Clique: gentile pal Rob; la-di-da girlfriend Annie Hall
Geek Chic: typical middle-aged Upper West Side New York Jewish look; ; balding; thick black glasses
Geek Speak: “Hey, don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.”
Hobbies and Pastimes: movies; women; his neuroses
The Worm Squirms: Sneezing on an L.A party’s supply of cocaine.
The Worm Turns? Unlikely sex symbol. Wins Oscar.
PETER PARKER (Spider-Man)
Geek Clique: none
Geek Chic: impoverished college student wardrobe; thick black-frame glasses
Geek Speak: “Let me buy you a cheeseburger. Sky's the limit. Up to seven dollars... and eighty-four cents.”
Hobbies and Pastimes: tabloid photographer; genetically modified web slinging, wall-crawling superhero.
The Worm Squirms: fired from pizza delivery job; homemade costume that “rides up in the crotch a little”
The Worm Turns? As a genetically modified, web-slinging, wall-crawling superhero, kicks much super-villain butt.
HARRY KNOWLES (aintitcool.com)
Geek Clique: www.aintitcool.com
Geek Chic: Hawaiian shirts; wispy ginger hair and beard; wire-rimmed glasses; “roughly the size of a small European import car”;
Geek Speak: “my web site is confused, imperfect, messy, sometimes fawning and, hopefully, indispensable just like me.”
Hobbies and Pastimes: geek movies; sucking up to Peter Jackson; name-dropping
The Worm Squirms: reprimanded for false 2000 Oscar nominees ‘scoop’
The Worm Turns? Now moving into movie production
'© Highbury Entertainment 2005. No material may be reproduced without the written permission of the copyright holder.'
BACK TO FILM JOURNALISM INDEX